The Amazing Adventures of Danny and the New Girl
by mental hopsital escapee
Summary: What will happen when a new, beautiful, bitchtastic girl attends Danny's school? Hm. I wonder. [A Mary Sue Parody]
1. Chapter 1

I haven't wriiten anything for this fandom for so long! But I wrote two Avatar parodies, and I'm working on a Naruto one, so I decided it was time to write something for Danny Phantom. What fun. And no, I'm not on crack. Or maybe I am. Who knows. Who really cares. Enjoy the FILTH.

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One day, when all the birds were chriping and the sun was smiling and the clouds were fluffy, Danny went to school.

Yes he did.

Sam and Tucker went, too.

Intriguing, no?

They went to school (just in case ya havent grasped that yet), and opened the door. They walked inside. They walked down the hall. They went to their separate classes. It was a day like any ohter.

But not for long...

Else I would not be writing a fic for it.

So! Danny was in Lancer's algebra class (he teaches much more than English), trying to stay awake, as he had been partying much too late last night and had one mean hangover, when a new student walked in.

Now, pay attention, readers. This next paragraph is extremely important, so I have scrunched it all into one run-on block paragraph of doom. Ready?

She had dirty blonde shoulder length pretty soft silky hair with lighter blonde streaks and darker blonde streaks in it, a white 3/4 lentghed shirt (don't ask what that means) with some ugly black star on it that will mean something vitally important later on over black cargo pants tucked into bright blue combat boots, the necessary thing for all new girls at Danny's school and she also wore a floor-length black trench coat, meant to make her look Gothic but really making her look like she was from the Matrix now if only she wore black sunglasses but instead she wore a blue neklace with some random red dragon mystic fire ghostly charm on it and another necklace with some mystical magical orb her eyes were rainbow coloured and quite beautiful, not at all freakish she wore a camoflauged bracelet, that actuall didn't look ridiculous with the rest of her outfit her hair was in a ponytail but her bangs hung into her lovely eyes and all the boys began drooling the minute they saw her.

As for Danny, his ghost sense went off. Rather than attribute it to this girl, who simultaneously had some smoke type thing come from her mouth, he decided his ghost sense must just be going off randomly. Why of course it must be so.

The girl looked at him and her eyes turned red in a demonic way. However, no one but Danny seemed to notice. Oblivious fools.

Lancer stared blankly at her, as he does not take his job seriously enough to keep track of students. 'Who are you' he said, forgetting his punctuation.

The girl drew herself up haughtily. 'I am Lilith Moonlight Justine Sue Diane Amethyst Lilac Crystal Diamond Ocean Mary Beth Alexa Starshine Hannah Montana Katie Meagan Brooke Supahspeshulness,' she declared. 'I am a new student here.'

'Well then!' siad Lancer with a smile. 'I dont suppose you would interduce urself to the class and give out your atobiography, leaving out sum parts so some convenient idiot can ask you about it so you can look all mysterius and angsty, wuld u?' (Yes, spell check would have killed me.)

'Don't mind if I do,' said Lilith Moonlight Justine Sue Diane Amethyst Lilac Crystal Diamond Ocean Mary Beth Alexa Starshine Hannah Montana Katie Meagan Brooke Supahspeshulness in her sexy bitchtastic way. 'Well! Pay attention, children! For I am Perfection. I am Infinitely Wise! I am All-Powerful! I am the Prophet! I am -'

'Aw, get on with it!' shouted some random kid. Lilith Moonlight Justine Sue Diane Amethyst Lilac Crystal Diamond Ocean Mary Beth Alexa Starshine Hannah Montana Katie Meagan Brooke Supahspeshulness gave him a Bitchtastic Death Look of Doom and Hatred Revealing Her Omnipotence and he cowered in fear.

Then she continued, quite briskly.

'I am very emo,' she declared proudly, like any self-respecting emo would. Never mind the fact that she shall prove to be more Gothic than emo, as they are all really the same thing. ' I am from California. I am 14 years old, I love the band Disturbed, Harry Potter, POTO...'

'What's POTO?' asked Sam suddenly. 'Do you mean potato?'

Lilith Moonlight Justine Sue Diane Amethyst Lilac Crystal Diamond Ocean Mary Beth Alexa Starshine Hannah Montana Katie Meagan Brooke Supahspeshulness laughed. 'No, stupid, Phantom of the Opera.' She gave a fangirly squeal.

'Oh. em. gee. What's that?' asked Sam. Apparently, the whole Goth thing is just an act.

Lilith Moonlight Justine Sue Diane Amethyst Lilac Crystal Diamond Ocean Mary Beth Alexa Starshine Hannah Montana Katie Meagan Brooke Supahspeshulness explained, along with many fangirlish squeals, and then Lancer told her to sit next to...

DANNY.

Yes. That's right. DANNY.

Betcha didn't see that one coming.

'Lancer...' Danny began.

'Yes?' answered the slightly out of shape teacher. (That description of him just never gets old.)

'Someone already sits next to me.'

'STFU,' Lancer growled. 'No one sits next to you. Do you hear me? No one. This girl has to sit next to you. Don't ask why. If she doesn't the Suethor will fire me from being a teacher.'

The students stared, wondering what 'ess tee eff you' meant and what Suethors were. One timidly raised his hand.

'Don't ask.' Lancer growled.

'Oh yes,' said the new student suddenly. 'You all can call me Carissa.'

'Where are you from?' asked some random idiot student.

Carissa sighed and looked away with that oh-so-angsty look in her eyes and sighed. 'I don't want to talk about it,' she said in a seductive yet sad murmur. omg teh angst.

RANDOM CONFUSING NARUTO-RAPING FLASHBACK TIME

'NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111' the little girl wailed and cried. 'MUMMY!!!!!!111!!!! WHYYYYY!!!?????'

Alexa Flame Ember (yes, its who you think it is) drew her sword from the corpse and grinned sadistically. 'They were a measuring stick, foolish little sister. Live through the ugliness. Live to hate me! Run away, run away, grow strong as me, and then...

Face me.'

The child wept. 'I'm scared! I'm scared!' she whispered and ran away.

END RANDOM CONFUSING NARUTO-RAPING FLASHBACK TIME (but it'll be back, to confuse you even more)

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End of Chapter One. Tell me if there's something you want to see in future chapters! 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 - OMG Misteryz!!!!!11!

After school (during which, by the way, Danny had discovered that Carissa was in EVERY SINGLE ONE of his classes, all taught by Lancer) Danny decided to randomly go ghost-hunting. The prey was, of course, the Box Ghost.

'ROOOOAARR! BEWAAAARE!' roared the idiotic Box Ghost as he screamed at the park pigeons and an empty popcorn box on the ground. Danny sighed and ectoblasted the hell out of him.

Then his ghost sense went off. Twice, actually.

First was Technus, all wrapped up in some random computer crap. The next was... oh my gawd...

a new girl ghost! Who so did not look anything like the new girl at school!

She had red glowing eyes, brilliant raven-coloured hair with greyish streaks in it, a black shirt with a white star, black combat boots, tight and sexy white pants, and held the Legendary Glowing Staff of Sue-ish Omnipotence That Is So Special It Must Be Capitalized. She quickly defeated Technus with a few random shots of ectoplasm and staff-whacks and glowing 1337 magick skillz, even jumping around Matrix-style and flying Crouching-Tiger-Hidden-Dragon style.

Danny, in a sudden burst of IC-ness, merely looked on in wonder.

'Hah! I laugh at your failure, you foolish weakling!!' laughed the uber-powerful ghost girl at Technus.

Danny stopped and considered his options. Should he attack this bitchy freak and put her in the thermos where she belonged (or was that too OOC?), run away in stark terror at her 1337 skillz, or make bestest friends 4evah with her?

He decided on the third.

'Hello, my name is Danny Phantom!' he said brightly. 'What's your name?'

'My name is Starfire' said the ghost-girl in a haughty, sexy, yet bitchily aloof way that made Danny fall madly in love with her. Then, with an aura of mystery, she vanished.

'NOOO! DUN LEAFMEE!' wept Danny, so sad that the love of his life was gone! Ah! The angst of a lovelorn halfa... REJECTED!

She appeared again, this time behind his back just like the Yondaime from Naruto. 'Meet me here tomorrow night,' she said seductively. Then disappeared again.

Danny grinned, already fantasizing.

Then he wondered: Who the hell was she? What was she doing here? Yes, it took him this long.

O what a mystery.

O.oO.oO.oO.oO.oO.oO.oO.oO.o

That night Danny still wondered.

And yes, I did do a whole page break thing for just one sentence. Er, make that three.

xxxxxxnoiabsolutelycannotsticktothesamepagebreaktomakeitlessconfusingforyouxxxxxxxx

The next day at school (for the fic can ONLY take place at school and in the skies of Amity Park. Except for one pointless scene, perhaps at the movie theater, and the makeout session in Danny's bedroom.) -

Danny walked down the hallway when he bumped into Carissa. And yes, they did fall in some physics-defying way so that they landed right on top of each other, lips touching. And yes, they did blush madly and stutter and walk away quickly.

And yes, Lancer did mutter 'lovebirds' as Danny walked by, face still red.

And yes, my creativity knows no bounds.

In math class they dared not to look at each other.

Danny wondered: could he be falling in LOVE? But what about that other girl? He knew it was love, for everyone falls in love that quickly.

Love at first sight, people! It's true, its real, and its happening here!

Yes. Anyways. On with this marvelous story.

Carissa wondered: Was she falling in love with this Danny boy? But she could not love, she was the... here she searched desperately for the caps lock key... AVENGER, she was BITCHTASTIC, she NEEDED NO MAN, she had DARK SECRETS THAT MUST BE KEPT HIDDEN FOR ALL ETERNITY, she was...

She could go on. But! She could not fall in love! Oh no she could not! She was perfect and didn't need a man to complete her!

(BTW, she really is perfect. Amazingly perfect. Blindingly perfect. Can't you see?)

And also...(here her eyes narrowed as mysterious music played)... she suspected that Danny had a dark secret of his own, possibly related to the ghost boy she had met earlier. No, she did not suspect, she knew it for a fact. For she is never wrong.

Putting two and two together, she came to the simple conclusion that all of Amity Park has yet to reach. However, in order to drag out the suspense for as long as possible, I shall not tell you now.

With these thoughts, she gave Danny a note and miraculously did not get caught.

Danny opened it and read: Meet me by the locker rooms after school. -Carissa.

Totally unsuspecting, he decided to go.

After School - (yay for Time Travel!)

Danny went to the locker rooms where he met Carissa.

'Danny, confess!' she cried dramatically, pointing with authority and power.

Danny gasped. She knew! Oh dear! And really, was there any point in denying it? 'I am the ghost boy, Danny Phantom. I was in an accident in my parents lab and, in a way that defied many laws of genetics, recieved uber-awesome ghost powers.' he announced dramatically.

There. The secret he kept from his own parents had been revealed to a total stranger.

A very hot, perfect, intelligent stranger.

CLIFFHANGER

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepagebreakwheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

END CHAPTER YAAAAAAAAY!

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For all you Suehaters, check out amityparksues. It's a brand new Sue journal. What fun. XD 


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